I smiled and wished them a good evening, told them to take care. She steadied herself on his shoulder and yelled across the street to me "It's because I'm a Republican and he's a Democrat!" At that moment he was everyone who's ever taken advantage of anyone else. He went on a date with some girl, doped her up, and now he's trying to hustle her into his apartment before she passes out. I'm bad at confrontation and I'm good at minding my own business but at that moment I was beyond pissed off at the guy. The woman starts protesting semi-coherently.
The woman has been yell-muttering unintelligibly this whole time.
The guy looks up while attempting to help the woman off the ground. When she fell onto the pavement like that I had to stop walking. I've had friends who've been drugged at clubs or bars. She takes a swing at him with her purse, misses, and falls squat on her ass. The woman is yelling at him now, pushing at him. He also looks about ten or fifteen years older than the her, now that I've got a better look. The man, on the other hand, seems every bit as calm and collected as the woman is upset and disoriented. The woman is clearly angry at the man, and clearly not used to being this wasted. It's not quite ten PM, central standard time, on a Saturday night. She seems to be struggling weakly against both gravity and her companion, who does not seem inebriated whatsoever, and moreso than that seems to be doing his best to shut her up and hustle her into the apartment complex they're now standing in front of. I cross to the other side of the street and keep walking.Īs I get closer I can see the woman is not just drunk, but extraordinarily, famously drunk - frat party drunk, comatose drunk, vomit-at-any-minute drunk. The woman is talking loudly and angrily and having trouble walking in a straight line the man is doing his best to steady the woman. On my way from my car to go see a couple of bands play at a bar I notice a couple walking on the sidewalk about a half block away from me, a man and a woman, both dressed reasonably nice. Why even bother playing out the rest of this Two and a Half Men debacle, or for that matter the rest of your dumb life? Why bother talking to these dullard news reporters, wasting braggadocio that seasoned battle rappers would sell their rims for on the likes of Good Morning America and the guy who used to work for Inside Edition? Why spend so much of your (admittedly inexhaustible) energy convincing the world what, if we haven't figured out yet, we're probably never going to get - that Charlie Sheen is a superhuman creature of power and light, whose bountiful talent and infinite love we have taken for granted like spoiled, ungrateful heathen brats. Humanity needs to be taught a lesson - nothing can defeat Charlie Sheen, and Charlie Sheen can defeat anything.
It will probably take more than one bullet (you = Charlie Sheen) but it needs to be done. Wrestle a great white shark in a tank filled with liquid pharmaceutical cocaine - and then, after you win (you winner, you!), drink the shark's blood (and whatever may be leftover in the tank) and chastise the attending spectators for their bloodlust and lack of faith in your superhumanity.
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